This post will be long and boring to most but I don't care.
I went to Florida last week with part of my family.I enjoyed myself because I was with them not because what we were doing. There were fun parts. Julia and I had some time to our selves the last two days. We had fun and enjoyed each other.It was a long and tiring trip home. Julia slept allot and that gave me allot of time to think. I don't like it when I have time to think. Coming through Kentucky I turned to a bluegrass station and was listening to some of the music. Julia thought I was nuts but it reminded me of my dad and how much I miss him. My dad wasn't a great dad and I don't remember ever doing much with him. We would go to Findley Market as a family or at one time we sold fruits and vegetables door to door. We went to Coney Island when I was real little but I don't know if he was there. When I was young I remember going fishing at paylakes with him and my older brothers but I was nomally with my mom. My dad drank allot but I don't remember him being drunk. He would take us to the bar with him and we would play the bowling game while him and Oris or Mel would sit and drink. Later after mom and dad separated I didn't see much of him until they briefly got back together. After that dad moved close to mom and I would see him every week. Until the day he died I never missed going to see him. My girls would go with me allot and still remember some of the odd things he would do.
I went to visit my mom's grave about three weeks ago. It was the first time I had been there since she died. It just hurt to much to go. I miss her even more then my dad because I was around her and was so loved by her.When Deb and I got married we lived above my mother in her house until we bought our own house. Still after we moved we would go as a family most of the time or I would go myself to see her. While there I would always walk up to see my dad since he lived real close to her. Every week for forty years I would go see my mom at least once a week sometimes more in the later years. We had so much in common to talk about because we learned to like the same things as the other and always had something to talk about. Ther was never a time that I missed more then three weeks without seeing her.I wish it were like that with my children but we don't talk and have no common interests.
David is still in Florida with Kevin and Cheryl and I miss him so much. We don't talk either but at least he is here some times. He keeps us busy but at least I don't have time for my mind to wander. I've been sick and off work for the last two days but hope to go back tonight. Adam is here with me and is getting allot of the work done that I can't do myself. I've stopped looking at auctions since I have been back from vacation but now have nothing to keep my mind occupied. At least we will save a ton of money while I slowly go crazy. I have some decent photos from our vacation but don't have the energy to post them. Maybe Julia will do some when she gets home.
I need to go get something to eat since I haven't felt like eating for a couple of days. Still don't but I will force myself so I can go back to work. Thanks for listening to a sad, sick and tired old man. Bye Bye
5 comments:
Sorry you are feeling down. I wish there was something I could say to make everything better. I'm praying that God will give you peace with the past and hope for a better future (and gratefulness for the present)!
I love hearing about what's on your heart and I am soo happy that you share it. That can be quite therapuetic...I think it's good for you to have time with your thoughts, even though they may be painful at times, it can be very healing and good for the soul. Don't stop sharing your heart, I love hearing it!
well who knew that you even posted?
Hmm, not sure what I am susposed to say to that. I feel bad that you miss your dad and I certainly would love another couple of years with grandma.
Grandma and I had almost nothing in common. We still talked all the time and I enjoyed her candid personality most of the time. i really find myself more like her as i get older. She wasnt afraid to tell people how she felt and I am like that most of the time. She loved her family and was not afraid to pour herself into her children.
As far as you not talking to your children, well, I didn't know that. You see david and Cheryl a lot and you do have a lot in common with them. We are kinda stuck on this side of town on the weekends due to our boys being in sports. Before kids, we went to many of David's games but now it is harder.
I see things differently. I have many things in common with you. We both love photography, reselling anything, collecting junk, and we both hate sitting through movies. We both love Sandra Bullock and her movies. We both enjoy David's plays more than the average person. We both love the smell of Gardenia!
I know that it is easy to feel down but if you don't like something, change it. Call me or Cheryl or yell to David to make plans. It is that easy. There have been at least 5 times I have asked what you are doing on a given weekend and you were busy or needed to talk to Julia first. It goes both ways I think.
know that you are loved totally by your kids and work hard to see them more. i want that.
Well, I feel I need to comment a bit on this. This is Kevin by the way.
I have to say that I TOTALLY loved the time that we got to spend together on our recent trip. I agree that it was the fact that we were together that was much more important than the things that we did.
That being said, however, I have to say that I think I enjoyed the time I spent at the beach and the coast as much or more than our time at Disney.
What I enjoyed most was watching and learning about the things that you have done with your kids and being able to share that with my child. I now have a legacy to continue and pass along to my family.
To be honest, I have always cherished the time that I have been able to spend with you over the years. You have been able to teach and share with me things that my family never did. It has always been very awesome for me.
Things that I will always remember are the times that we spent out in nature together. Things like fishing, hiking, camping, bon fires, deer watching, the list could go on and on. These are certainly things that I had never experienced with my family and are very precious to me now. You have always treated me like a son and like a part of your natural family and I appreciate it more than you will ever know.
The recent trip where we went out to the sand bar and hunted Sand Dollars was just another example of where you were able to broaden my horizons in a way that it has not been done before. Sure, it was a very simple pleasure, but it was a wonderful time none the less.
I have always appreciated the way you took me into your family and shared things that were special to you and your family. You did this even before I was your son-in-law and it meant a lot to me then just as it does now.
It is unfortunate that as we grow up, we often grow apart from those that we love and care about the most. You and your family certainly fall into this category.
There are 2 choices we can make when we run into these conditions. Sit back and allow it to continue, or speak up and do something about it.
I am glad you were able to share how you feel with us, so we can fix it. Let's try to be a bigger part of each others lives and continue to share our experiences with each other. We are probably more to blame than you as you always go the extra mile to be part of our family and rarely do we return the favor. We will try to make the effort more equal. I can't make any promises, but we will try our best.
Well, I have rambled enough, but I wanted to make sure to tell you how I feel on the matter. We love you.
Kevin
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